


Christmas Shopping with the GW boys

by Bobo_is_tha_Bomb



Series: Things to do with the GW boys [2]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Screenplay/Script Format, Self-Insert, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28044855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bobo_is_tha_Bomb/pseuds/Bobo_is_tha_Bomb
Summary: The boys decide to go and do some holiday shopping. A disaster is bound to happen!Co-written with my cousin!
Series: Things to do with the GW boys [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708132
Kudos: 7





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Here. It. Is!  
> From today on I will post a part of this every day, to get us all warmed up for the holidays! 
> 
> Again, nothing in this story is to be taken seriously. It’s just us being evil and torturing poor ‘Fei. XD
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: We don’t own Gundam Wing!

**Christmas shopping with the GW boys  
Introduction**

Wufei: “Why do we have to be here again?”

Duo: “Why are you always the first one to complain?”

Wufei: “I have better things to do than being here.”

Duo: “HA! Like what?”

Wufei grumbles something: …

Trowa: “That sounded an awful lot like _‘Watching Shin Chan’_.”

Wufei gives him a nasty glare and then crosses his arms in front of his chest. He really doesn’t want to be in the shopping mall, where currently a shitload of crazy people are milling around getting Christmas presents. It had been Quatre’s idea to go Christmas shopping for the two women that lived with them. The two women that Wufei detested with all his might.

Quatre: “I will go and buy the Christmas decorations. Trowa, you will get the tree. Duo, you’ll go and buy the books. Heero, the chocolate store. And Wufei, you’re in charge of buying the bathing products.”

Duo: “Why can’t I go to the chocolate store?”

Heero: “Because there won’t be much left of the presents if you have to get them.”

Duo grins: “Maybe…”

Wufei rolls his eyes: “What makes you think I will go into that ridiculous store to buy those ridiculous women ridiculous presents?”

Duo grins evilly: “I know that Marloes has a pink bunny suit lying around, and it’s just your size.”

Wufei grumbles and continues to glare a hole in the wall in front of him. He really is going to kill Quatre for dragging him here. He really is... any minute now…

Quatre: “Does everyone have their money?”

Heero: “What am I supposed to do if I can’t find the store?”

Duo: “Ask! And be nice.”

Heero glares at him and prepares to stalk off towards the stores.

Quatre: “Uhm… Heero?”

Heero: “Now what?”

Quatre: “Hand it over please?”

Heero sighs and reaches for the back of his jeans. He pulls out his gun and hands it over to Quatre. Quatre then gives Duo a pointed look.

Duo: “Hey! I’m not carrying a gun!”

Quatre: “No, but you do have a knife on you.”

Duo pulls out the knife and hands it over to Quatre. Quatre then walks back to the entrance of the mall, where Rashid is waiting. He gives him the gun and the knife and then walks back to his friends.

Quatre: “Alright. Let’s get started. We’ll meet here again in an hour. That should give you all enough time to buy your stuff.”

And with that said, the five young men wander off to their destinations.

**—-**


	2. First stop: The Chocolate store

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! XD
> 
> Disclaimer: we don't own Gundam Wing

**Christmas shopping with the GW boys  
First stop - The Chocolate store**

Heero finds the chocolate store not too far from the entrance. He is pretty happy with the fact that he has found it so soon. That means he can buy the chocolate, get back, and wait for the others, while he finishes his latest report for Preventer. 

He makes his way towards the entrance of the Chocolate store and then scowls when he catches sight of the enormous line in the store. Alright… it might take a little while longer than he had first thought.

***Ten minutes later***

Heero is still waiting in line. Only two people have left the store since he has come in, and he is starting to feel a little impatient. The woman in front of him turns to give him a glare when he starts tapping his foot. He gives her his death glare in return. The woman is quick to gather her shopping bags and leaves the store in fear.

_Light bulb!_

Heero moves forward and starts tapping his foot again. The girl in front of him ignores him at first, but when he starts tapping his foot a little louder, she turns around. He is fully prepared to give her his death glare, but the moment she sees him she gets stars in her eyes. _Worship!_

Heero rolls his eyes. _Crap…_

***Thirty minutes later***

The girl is still staring at him with her hands clasped in front of her. She still has stars in her eyes and Heero is seriously considering snapping her neck. He hates it when girls stare at him like that. It reminds him of… Relena… ***Shudder shudder***

The line moves forward again and it’s the girl’s turn. But she doesn’t turn around.

Heero sees his chance and dives past the girl towards the counter.

Cashier: “What can I get for you?”

Heero looks at the rows and rows and rows of chocolate: “Oh God… what should I pick?”

Cashier: “Is it a gift?”

He glares at her: “Of course it is!”

Cashier: “W-well… you could t-try some of them.”

Heero: “Sure…”

He steps aside and waits for the cashier to prepare a plate of chocolates for him.

***Twenty minutes later***

Heero comes skipping out of the store. He is totally high on sugar and chocolate. But he does have two boxes of exclusive chocolates.

Heero: “Sunshine and moonbeams!”

Er… okay this is totally weird. Let’s hope that Duo does a better job of buying presents…

**\---**


	3. Second stop: The Bookstore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: we don't own Gundam Wing!

**Christmas shopping with the GW boys  
Second stop - The book store**

Duo has found the bookstore. And the romance section. And is huge. And then we mean huge HUGE! He stares at the rows and rows of books that are stalled out on the shelves. There was no way he is going to find the books he needs in this.

Duo: “Alright… what were their favorite authors again?”

He gets out a rolled up piece of paper and rolls it out. The list is so long, it reaches all the way down to the floor. There are tons of names on the list and Duo sighs.

Duo: “How the hell can they read THAT many books?”

One of the sales people in the store wanders over to where Duo is standing. It’s a young girl, who is blushing to the roots of her hair as she approaches him.

Girl: “Can I help you?”

Duo: “I need books.”

Girl: “What type of books?”

Duo: “Well… duh. Romance novels. That seem to be the only things that they read.”

Girl: “And what’s on the list?”

Duo turns it around so she can see it. “All their favorite authors.”

The girl studies the list and grins when she notices this might be a very BIG customer. She could sell him tons of books. Probably.

Girl: “How many books do you need?”

Duo thinks for a moment. “Ten in total.”

The girl frowns and gives him back the list. How stupid. Only ten books. “Good luck with your search. I’m sure you’ll find the books you need.”

And she runs of.

Duo: “HEY! I THOUGH YOU WERE GOING TO HELP ME!”

An elderly lady wanders by. “Shhh!”

Duo gives her a strange look as the fossil wanders around the corner, a couple of romance titles stuffed under her arm. “What the hell are you doing in the romance section?”

Duo’s imagination: “Use your imagination!”

***Shudder shudder shudder***

Duo: “Iewl… that’s disgusting! I’ll have nightmares for weeks! I really hate my imagination sometimes!”

Duo’s imagination: “No, you don’t!” 

Duo mutters to himself: “Yes, I do!”

He glances at the list and then starts picking up books from the shelves. When he has ten books he quickly wanders over to the check out. He has his books and he really should get back to the meeting place. Maybe if he was quick, he could get some Panda Express before the others got back. Then Wufei wouldn’t bug him about why Panda Express wasn’t REAL Chinese food.

**\---**


	4. Third stop: The Christmas tree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: We don't own Gundam Wing.

**Christmas shopping with the GW boys  
Third stop - The Christmas tree**

Trowa has reached the plaza where the Christmas trees are sold. But before he can get to the trees, he has to get past various stalls where free samples are offered.

Girl in the first stall: “Sir, you wanna try some wine?”

Thinking that one sample won’t hurt, he goes over to the girl and takes the cup with wine. 

Trowa: “It’s good.”

Girl: “Would you like to buy a bottle?”

Trowa: “No. I’m just here for a tree.”

He wanders along and another girl calls from a different stall: “Sir, would you like to try some hot chocolate?”

Trowa: “Sure.”

He takes the cup and sips.

Trowa: “There is alcohol in there.”

Girl: “Yeah! The best cognac there is!”

Trowa: “Whatever you say…”

He goes on, now fully intend on getting a damn Christmas tree.

Girl from another stall: “Sir! Would you like to try some Glüwein from Germany?”

Trowa sighs. He shouldn’t even think about it. But… he is in a nice mood, so he nods. After sampling the Glüwwein he finally gets to the man that sells the Christmas trees.

Man: “You look like you could join our competition.”

Trowa: “What competition?”

The man points to an enormous Christmas tree in the center of the plaza: “If you manage to hack that thing down, you’ll get it for free.”

Trowa: “It’s too big to fit into the living room.”

Man: “But you could always set it up outside!”

Trowa: “True…”

He takes the axe the man holds out to him and makes his way towards the enormous tree, albeit swaying slightly, thanks to the samples he had had earlier. Damn the alcohol! He raises the axe and starts chopping away.

***After ten minutes***

Man: “Sir… I don’t think you’re going to win our competition.”

Trowa: “Why not?”

Man: “Well… you have missed the tree… about ten times.”

Trowa: “You lie!”

Man: “Maybe it’s because your hair is in front of your face… You can’t see the tree clearly.”

Trowa: “Bullshit! My hair is always like this! I can walk on a tight rope with my hair in front of my face!”

Man: “Sir, you must have some weird occupation.”

Trowa glares at him: “Duh… I’m a clown!”

The man’s eyebrow twitches. He is starting to feel a little nervous, because Trowa looks kinda scary right now. It’s the alcohol! 

Man: “Here sir. Why don’t you take this tree for free?”

He gives Trowa a tree that isn’t modest in the least. Clearly, he wants him gone.

Man: “Thanks for participating in our competition.”

And Trowa stalks off with the tree, muttering about people criticizing his hairstyle. 

**\---**


	5. Fourth stop: The department store

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: We don’t own Gundam Wing!

**Christmas shopping with the GW boys  
Fourth stop - The department store**

Quatre enters chaos, the moment he sets foot in the department store. Seriously, it looks like an episode of Jerry Springer is taking place right in front of his eyes. Women are screaming at one another and a pair of them rolls by, fighting over a table cloth.

Quatre: “Right… That’s some scary stuff.”

The sales manager is in complete distress as she calls out to her personnel: “I’M TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH STEVE, BUT HE WON’T LEAVE JERRY’S SIDE!”

Some girl behind the cash register calls back: “I KNEW HE WAS A FAKE BOUNCER!!”

Quatre ignores the war going on around him, and takes the staircase to the first floor. There he enters the Riviera Maison department. 

Quatre: “Aah… peace.”

None is around on the first floor. That’s probably because Riviera Maison is disgustingly expensive. But with Quatre’s unending supply of money, the price tags wouldn’t be an issue. So he goes around the department, taking his time in choosing ornaments for the Christmas tree, lights, candles, fur throws, a door mat (it might come in handy), fake snow, tinsels, and other nice items.

There is a cash register on the first floor, and Quatre goes to pay for his shopped items there. After paying, he wanders downstairs again. The moment he sets foot on the ground floor, the fighting women stop and stare at him.

Quatre: “Uh-oh…”

A crazy woman in the back: “NEW PRODUCTS!!! GET HIM!!!”

Quatre screams and starts running for the nearest exit. He has to get his glass blown ornaments to safety! He is very close to the exit, but the women catch up with him. They block the exit and then descend upon his purchases like sharks.

Quatre is left with not one single item of Christmas decorations, and now he is starting to get pissed off. And a pissed off Quatre is not a pretty sight. Within moments, he is in his crazy mode and goes around the store like a madman, getting all this purchases back and making the women pee their pants with fear.

When he has all his items back, he leaves the store.

Quatre: “Muahahaha! Suckers!”

This is even scarier than Heero high on chocolate… Let’s move on to our favorite scapegoat.

**\---**


	6. Fifth stop: Lush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: We don’t own Gundam Wing!

**Christmas shopping with the GW boys  
Fifth stop - Lush**

Wufei is seriously pissed off. He doesn’t want to go into the nasty smelling store that the two onnas seem to love so much. If they love it so much, why can’t they go and live there? Then he would be rid of them… he could watch Shin-chan all day!

_Sorry to break your little bubble here Wu Wu. We’re not going anywhere! Muahaha!_

Anyway… Wufei enters the store and halts, wide eyed. What the Hell? Rows upon rows of soaps, bathing products, and other sickly smelling stuff is stalled out in front of him.

Wufei: “Oh crap…”

A girl makes her way over to him, deciding to be nice and help him: “Can I help you, sir?”

Wufei: “I need some soap.”

The girl gives him a droll eyed stare that clearly says ‘Duh!’. “That can be arranged.”

She takes him around the store and pushes various soap bars under his nose for him to smell. In the end, Wufei can’t smell anything anymore and he is suspecting that the annoying scents of the store cling to him. 

Girl: “So… have you made a decision?”

Wufei: “Uh…”

He sticks his hands in his pockets and frowns when he feels a piece of paper. He pulls it out and notices it’s a list in Quatre’s handwriting. How the hell did that end up in his pocket?? Marloes can think of a few ways… But we’re not going to elaborate on that. The point is that Wufei now has a list with Marloes’ and Kimberley’s favorite Lush products on it. He was so thankful he could have… no let’s not think about that at all… Quatre might get scary! ***Shudder shudder***

He hands the list to the girl, who then goes off to collect all the items on the list.

Girl: “There are two pieces of soap that we still have to make. But you can help me!”

She grabs Wufei’s arm and drags him along with her. Wufei tries to protest, but before he knows it he finds himself elbow deep in soap ingredients. (Aah… how nice he would smell when he is done!)

A half an hour later, Wufei leaves the store, completely irritated by the fact that he is smelling like a walking soap bar. He notices that various women smell the air when he walks past them and that irritates him even more.

He reaches the point where they would meet up again, and finds Heero bouncing around.

Wufei: “What the hell did they do to you?”

Duo commends from the place where he is munching down on his last remainders of Panda Express: “I think it was the chocolate…”

Wufei: “Duo! If you want REAL Chinese food, you shouldn’t buy it at Panda Express!”

Duo scowls: “When I get traumatized, I need to eat!”

Wufei: “You got traumatized? At the book store?”

Duo: “Well duh! You go and see ancient fossils in the romance section!”

Trowa comes staggering towards them with the tree: “I got the tree! Ain’t it pretty?”

Duo: “You dragged it all they down here like that? Then one side of it will be… ruined! Quatre is going to kill you!”

Trowa: “Naah… Quatre is nice. He wouldn’t do that!”

Quatre arrives as well, still in his crazy mode.

Quatre: “Muahahaha! Suckers!”

They all stare at him in surprise. Even Heero… Who then continues bouncing away. Quatre pulls a gun out of nowhere and points it at the Tigger imitating pilot.

Quatre: “Let me shoot the squirrel!”

Duo: “Quat! I don’t think that is a good idea. You don’t wanna spend Christmas in jail.”

Quatre: “I need to shoot something!”

Wufei: “What you need is valium. Or maybe target practice. If you ask nicely, Relena will be your target.”

Quatre: “Hehehe…”

Duo then turns to Wufei: “Since we are the only ones here that haven’t gone insane from Christmas shopping, we should get the others home.”

They leave the mall. 

On the way to the car, Heero speaks up: “Wu Wu! You smell like a girl!”

Wufei glares at him: “Shut up you crazy chocolate-eating-sugar-high madman!”

Duo: “Seriously… You need a bath.”

Wufei glares at him too: “Want me to arrange a date with that old fossil for you?”

Duo blanches: “You wouldn’t!”

Wufei smirks: “Wanna bet?”

**\---**


	7. Secret Santa (or maybe not :P)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, at the final part! We hope you enjoyed this crazy little story! XD
> 
> Disclaimer: We don’t own Gundam Wing.

**Christmas shopping with the GW boys  
Secret Santa (or not :p)**

Kimberley and Marloes are completely irritated by the time they get home. Work was hell today and they had to drive through rush hour to get home. They are in a very, very, very bad mood. Point taken?

But when they reach the house they both blink in surprise. Marloes steps on the brakes and the car comes to a screeching halt.

Kimberley: “Damn! Do they want to try and land an airplane in the back yard?”

The house is lit up completely with Christmas lights, and the trees outside are also decorated. A little cautious, they leave the car and go into the house. The first thing they see when they enter the living room is a huge Christmas tree.

Marloes studies the tree for a while: “Something is wrong with that tree… why is it so…”

Kimberley: “Close to the wall?”

Marloes: “Yeah…”

They walk over to the tree and look around it.

Kimberley: “Were they stupid enough to drag the tree over the ground?”

Marloes: “Looks like it.”

They hear bouncy footsteps coming down the stairs and the next moment Heero enters the living room.

Heero: “You’re finally home!”

Both Marloes and Kimberley stare at him like he is an alien. 

Marloes: “Are you happy to see us?”

Kimberley: “Are you feeling alright?”

Heero: “All sunshine and moonbeams!”

Marloes: “Er…”

Kimberley: “What have you been eating? Special cake or something?”

Heero presses his index finger over his lips: “Shh! It’s a secret.”

Duo enters the living room as well: “It’s the chocolate.”

Heero pouts: “Now you’ve ruined my secret!”

Trowa comes flailing down the stairs with neck breaking speed: “SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME FROM THE IDIOT!!!”

He crashes into the wall right next to the Christmas tree.

Quatre from upstairs: “MUAHAHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT SUCKER!”

Marloes: “Okay! What the hell is going on here?”

Rashid peeks around the doorframe: “May I explain?”

Kimberley: “Go ahead.”

Rashid: “They went Christmas shopping.”

Marloes: “So? That’s not that difficult. I never go crazy from it!”

Heero bounces over to her: “I’m not crazy!”

***PANG* (Gunshot directed at Heero, which misses by a mile and hits the TV instead)**

Quatre: “STAND STILL, YOU STUPID SQUIRREL!”

Wufei, who had been watching TV, storms up the stairs and grabs Quatre by the throat: “You killed my television!”

Quatre glares at him: “You still smell like a girl.”

Rashid: “How about we use this?”

He presents the girl with various tranquilizing darts.

Marloes: “Oh my God! I want to try this!”

She shoots all five of the guys, and a little while later they are all out cold on the floor. 

Rashid: “Just leave them there. They will be fine when they wake up.”

Kimberley: “Sure.”

Rashid leaves. Marloes sighs and looks around the living room.

Kimberley: “All in all, it’s pretty cute they went Christmas shopping.”

Marloes: “Remind me to never let them do it again.”

Kimberley: “Right…”

Marloes grabs her book from the coffee table and continues reading where she had left off that morning.

Suddenly Kimberley discovers something: “Loes! All the decorations are from Riviera Maison!!”

Marloes: “They are?”

Kimberley: “And they even got us Christmas presents!”

Marloes: “Aw… I feel so loved… And bad for shooting all of them. Not!”

Kimberley: “How cute!”

Marloes: “Maybe we should buy them something in return.”

Kimberley: “Shall we go now?”

Marloes: “Why not? It looks like they’re gonna be out cold for a while…”

And the girls leave the house to buy their house mates some Christmas presents as well…

After a while, the guys wake up.

Duo: “Why are we lying on the floor?”

Trowa: “My head… It feels like I have a hangover. But I don’t remember anything!”

Heero: “I could use some chocolate right now!”

Quatre: “Why do I get the distinct feeling that I should kill a squirrel?”

Wufei: “Why do I smell like a girl?”

Looks like they don’t remember anything. Oh well… maybe that’s for the better!

**\- The End -**


End file.
